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I               am               twenty               years               of               age,               I               attend               a               well-known               university,               my               grades               are               solid,               and               I               rarely               worry               about               money.

I               have               a               good               number               of               friends,               I               find               myself               attractive               enough,               and               at               any               job               interview               I               can               smile               and               cheerfully               display               the               characteristics               of               a               motivated,               hard               worker.

To               an               outsider,               I               am               a               thriving               individual               whose               development               has               progressed               normally,               and               though               I               may               experience               the               occasional               upset,               overall               there               is               not               too               much               I               can               complain               about.

In               contrast               to               what               one               might               expect               given               this               apparently               excellent               adaptation               to               life,               last               summer               I               had               to               change               my               plans               due               to               personal               difficulties.

As               I               began               another               summer               working               at               a               small               summer               camp               that               I               had               attended               and               loved               since               I               was               nine               years               old,               I               found               myself               plagued               with               the               symptoms               of               my               post-traumatic               stress               disorder.

This               disorder               began               after               an               event               I               experienced               nearly               a               decade               ago,               when               a               stranger               on               the               street               attacked               me               with               a               knife.

Through               intensive               therapy               and               the               support               of               my               parents,               I               have               worked               hard               to               make               my               panic               attacks               and               nightmares               subside.

For               many               years               I               remained               functional               in               the               sense               that               I               rarely               missed               classes               and               maintained               strong               friendships               with               a               number               of               peers.

Nonetheless,               because               this               camp               was               also               the               site               of               a               second               attack               the               summer               before               (the               significance               of               which               I               had               minimized),               the               panic               attacks               came               back               in               the               most               debilitating               form               I               had               ever               experienced.

I               was               forced               to               abandon               my               role               as               a               head               counselor               and               run               away               to               Ithaca.
               In               light               of               the               accumulating               research               on               the               term               "resilience,"               I               have               wanted               to               relate               these               findings               to               my               own               experience.

However,               the               process               of               doing               so               has               not               been               simple.

Masten               (2001)               defined               resilience               as               a               "class               of               phenomena               characterized               by               good               outcomes               in               spite               of               serious               threats               to               adaptation               or               development"               (p.

228).

According               to               Masten,               one               of               the               fundamental               assumptions               that               this               concept               relies               on               is               that               a               risk               must               be               posed               to               the               individual               with               the               possibility               of               a               negative               outcome               due               to               the               risk.

In               this               regard,               one               could               certainly               consider               my               experience               to               qualify               as               a               potential               risk               factor.

Werner               (1996)               suggests               that               there               are               three               types               of               risk:               risky               environments               that               one               might               grow               up               in,               sustained               conditions               of               stress,               and               concentrated               childhood               traumas.

The               latter               seems               to               describe               my               experience,               since               I               was               attacked               at               a               vulnerable               age               and               feared               for               my               life.
               However,               although               this               experience               has               put               me               at               risk               for               negative               developmental               outcomes,               it               is               not               clear               whether               or               not               I               should               be               categorized               as               "resilient."               Masten               (2001)               speaks               of               "good               outcomes"               (p.

228)               in               her               definition               of               resilience.

Studies               on               resilience               discuss               such               outcomes               as               including               being               well               liked               by               others,               having               a               reflective               cognitive               style,               being               caring               of               others,               enjoying               school,               and               possessing               the               ability               to               regulate               one's               emotions               (Werner,               1996).

But               what               if               one               shows               some               of               these               possible               qualities,               and               not               others?

Masten               (1999)               alludes               to               the               controversy               surrounding               how               we               evaluate               and               define               resiliency,               arguing               that               it               is               not               obvious               who               should               define               what               is               considered               a               "good"               outcome               and               what               is               not.

In               this               regard,               a               question               occurs               to               me               concerning               those               who               demonstrate               a               majority               of               these               positive               outcomes.

In               these               cases,               despite               the               fact               that               these               qualities               are               present,               can               we               assume               that               the               developmental               trajectories               we               see               are               wholly               positive?
               It               is               based               on               this               last               question               that               I               believe               a               key               argument               lies:               there               may               be               a               part               of               the               population               that               is               neglected               in               the               literature               on               resilience.

This               subgroup               is               one               that               has               experienced               risk               and               probably               has               a               number               of               what               the               literature               notes               to               be               the               most               prevalent               protective               factors               in               countering               this               risk.

Members               of               this               group               exhibit               positive               developmental               outcomes,               and               as               a               result               are               deemed               to               be               "resilient."               However,               what               separates               this               group               from               other               "resilient"               survivors               is               that               these               people               may               not               in               fact               be               resilient;               they               may               only               appear               to               be               so               because               they               have               been               socialized               to               be               compliant               or               they               have               used               work               or               school               as               an               outlet               for               their               negative               feelings.

Thus,               one               might               be               productive               in               class               because               of               the               use               of               work               to               distract               oneself               from               painful               or               frightening               feelings.

Failing               to               act               out               through               external               means               (via               drug               use,               delinquent               behavior,               etc.)               may               reflect               compliance               to               society               and               parental               norms,               rather               than               an               intrinsic               motivation               to               steer               clear               of               risky               behavior.

Fergusson               &               Lynskey               (1996)               use               a               cutoff               point               based               on               the               number               of               negatively               external               behaviors               one               exhibits               in               order               to               determine               resiliency;               if               this               is               the               case,               what               do               we               do               about               those               who               do               not               externalize               their               behavior?
               Brown               (2005)               explored               the               world               of               the               white,               middle-class               girl               -               a               girl               who               could               likely               become               a               member               of               this               neglected               subgroup.

In               her               study,               Brown               compared               a               group               of               low-income               female               students               with               those               who               fell               into               the               middle               socioeconomic               range.

As               she               worked               with               these               students,               Brown               noticed               that               while               the               lower-income               girls               tended               to               show               their               feelings               outwardly               and               misbehave,               the               middle-income               girls               had               been               socialized               to               hide               their               emotions               as               they               strived               to               work               well               in               school.

Although               resiliency               was               not               a               concept               that               was               explored               in               Brown's               study,               one               could               hypothesize               that               girls               in               this               group               might               be               easily               neglected               by               the               research               on               resilience.

Despite               the               possibility               of               adverse               events,               these               middle-class               girls               would               be               expected               to               do               well               regards               to               school,               having               friends,               and               being               well-liked,               which               would               lead               to               the               appearance               of               positive               outcomes,               even               if               some               of               the               outcomes               were               not               positive               at               all.

As               I               read               this               article,               I               could               not               help               but               relate               to               these               girls               and               wonder               if               I               might               fit               into               this               subgroup.
               If               this               is               the               case,               then               it               does               not               come               as               a               surprise               to               me               that               I               do               not               know               whether               or               not               to               define               myself               as               "resilient."               In               terms               of               the               previously               listed               positive               outcomes               derived               from               Werner's               (1996)               work,               with               the               exception               of               regulating               emotions               well,               I               seem               to               show               all               the               signs               of               being               resilient.

Additionally,               in               regards               to               the               resources               available               to               me,               Rury               (2005)               speaks               of               the               importance               of               social,               human,               and               cultural               capital               in               promoting               positive               outcomes               for               children.

It               is               clear               that               my               socioeconomic               status,               education,               and               the               supportive               parenting               I               have               had               give               me               high               amounts               of               these               types               of               capital.

Despite               all               these               odds               that               are               working               in               my               favor,               however,               I               still               find               myself               having               potentially               debilitating               experiences               based               on               the               risk               factor               I               was               exposed               to.

I               work               to               hide               my               disorder               from               those               around               me,               out               of               fear               of               being               perceived               as               a               less               able               member               of               society.

Furthermore,               while               my               interest               in               learning               is               genuine,               for               many               years               in               high               school               I               struggled               to               keep               distance               from               my               feelings               by               becoming               a               hard               working               overachiever.

Though               I               appeared               resilient,               inside               I               was               suffering.
               My               experience               therefore               provides               possible               evidence               for               the               existence               of               a               subgroup               in               our               population               that               may               be               silenced               in               the               research               on               resilience.

Furthermore,               my               story               highlights               another               possible               question               that               may               face               all               of               those               who               are               faced               with               risks:               when               do               risks               accumulate               to               the               point               where               they               become               intolerable?

Werner               (1996)               speaks               of               the               "challenge               model."               In               this               model,               a               peak               is               reached               at               which               risk               factors               cease               to               promote               development               and               begin               to               impair               it.

It               seems               that               the               nature               of               this               peak               could               have               a               dynamic               interaction               with               the               components               of               the               environment               it               is               situated               in;               for               example,               through               therapy               I               began               to               find               a               way               to               make               my               traumatic               experience               manageable,               but               when               I               was               exposed               to               memories               of               my               second               attack,               the               effects               became               debilitating.

For               one               of               the               first               times               in               my               life,               I               began               to               show               that               I               was               not               as               resilient               as               I               had               portrayed               myself               to               be:               I               needed               to               leave               camp               and               escape.

Is               it               possible,               therefore,               that               the               challenge               model               could               be               used               to               explain               why               these               unrecognized               voices               in               the               resilience               literature               become               unmasked?

Can               these               voices               only               be               heard               when               life               becomes               so               hard               that               they               are               left               with               no               choice?
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               Werner,               E.E.

(1996).

Protective               factors               and               individual               resilience.

In               J.P.

Shonkoff               &               S.J.

Meisels               (Eds.),               Handbook               of               early               childhood               intervention,               2nd               edition.

Cambridge:               Cambridge               University               Press.






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